An ode to the mind and heart
I am sitting here, In A place that will be unnamed, for I have found solace once again in a place between shadow and truth, I don't know what it is, I love the autumm, but winter is here and it has been my experiance with life that nothing good but cold weather and cold hearts come from the snow that falls to the ground.
I have been fighting with my freinds sense last sunday, and I am sick of it, I go over to the house to "talk" things out but all he can do is make people uncoumfterble and make a complete ass of himself in silence.
I cooked dinner the other night and he didn't eat it, that didn't bother me, I would have rather had more to eat then have a lack of food on the table. But what is really irritating me is the fact that he said that he wanted to talk now I have made the effort to be around the house just in case he would want to open up and tell me what I am doing wrong in order to make amends, but a little voice inside my head is telling me that, isn't going to happen, I think I just need to leave like a true gentlemen would and say my goodbyes, But I have so much I want to say and so much that I need to say weather it is nice or not that part I don't know cause with this person that I am dealing with, things can be taken so many ways.
and yet another voice is saying don't give up, cause somewhere there is a place for reasoning, and that I am worring to much. I just don't know what voice to listen to. SO many people have come into my life and I know that they have come in to it for a reason, Fred came into my life and I have found out that Love between freinds is almost as rewarding as a realationship because without that love, you wouldn't be able to find love in yourself or in someone else, Mike came into my life to show me that patience, and temperance, and above all time and understanding can make you into a diffrent person, one for the better. steve has shown me that even in the most stillest of waters, depth is always there, even if they appear shallow.
Ben, ben has shown me kindness, and what light can come from it, without it I am shure I would have fallen flat on my face by now.
there are a few other people that I know and do love, but I think that they are in my life to show me that I can't have all the things in life that I want, and I accept that. because there is always more then one way to have someone in your life, so Justin, Bill, and a few others despite what yall might think you are all in this big gay family of mine...its so nice having big brothers that will look out for you, even I have to admit that much.
I don't know why but I have felt compeld to go and do something crazy, I don't know what but normally when I get that feeling, I can't be found anyplace but in thought, I just I don'tknow if meloncoly is the word for it but I am very BLAH. I think that is because I went and got waisted last night, for the simple fact it was the only way I could stop living out the fighting and silence in my head that where lived out just hours before.
I am so sick of fighting and I promised myself that I wouldn't do it anymore that I would kill em with kindness in a sense but its easier said then done cause in all honesty the irish guy sittin on my shoulder wants me to hit the next person that gives me the silent treatment or the next one that hits me. the later part of that last statement is enevadable, my parents taught me how to fight and if a physical fight is what someone wants with me and they start it then they are shure as shootin gonna get it.
And I know fighting is I guess wrong in some peoples eyes I know I don't like it but shit, don't hit a homo or anyone else for that matter plain and simple.
just the words to my heartbreak lullaby or at least some of the words, anyway ill write more today when i get the chance, I am going to go and clean so my freind ben and I can spend some time together tommorow. lord knows He could use a break
I have been fighting with my freinds sense last sunday, and I am sick of it, I go over to the house to "talk" things out but all he can do is make people uncoumfterble and make a complete ass of himself in silence.
I cooked dinner the other night and he didn't eat it, that didn't bother me, I would have rather had more to eat then have a lack of food on the table. But what is really irritating me is the fact that he said that he wanted to talk now I have made the effort to be around the house just in case he would want to open up and tell me what I am doing wrong in order to make amends, but a little voice inside my head is telling me that, isn't going to happen, I think I just need to leave like a true gentlemen would and say my goodbyes, But I have so much I want to say and so much that I need to say weather it is nice or not that part I don't know cause with this person that I am dealing with, things can be taken so many ways.
and yet another voice is saying don't give up, cause somewhere there is a place for reasoning, and that I am worring to much. I just don't know what voice to listen to. SO many people have come into my life and I know that they have come in to it for a reason, Fred came into my life and I have found out that Love between freinds is almost as rewarding as a realationship because without that love, you wouldn't be able to find love in yourself or in someone else, Mike came into my life to show me that patience, and temperance, and above all time and understanding can make you into a diffrent person, one for the better. steve has shown me that even in the most stillest of waters, depth is always there, even if they appear shallow.
Ben, ben has shown me kindness, and what light can come from it, without it I am shure I would have fallen flat on my face by now.
there are a few other people that I know and do love, but I think that they are in my life to show me that I can't have all the things in life that I want, and I accept that. because there is always more then one way to have someone in your life, so Justin, Bill, and a few others despite what yall might think you are all in this big gay family of mine...its so nice having big brothers that will look out for you, even I have to admit that much.
I don't know why but I have felt compeld to go and do something crazy, I don't know what but normally when I get that feeling, I can't be found anyplace but in thought, I just I don'tknow if meloncoly is the word for it but I am very BLAH. I think that is because I went and got waisted last night, for the simple fact it was the only way I could stop living out the fighting and silence in my head that where lived out just hours before.
I am so sick of fighting and I promised myself that I wouldn't do it anymore that I would kill em with kindness in a sense but its easier said then done cause in all honesty the irish guy sittin on my shoulder wants me to hit the next person that gives me the silent treatment or the next one that hits me. the later part of that last statement is enevadable, my parents taught me how to fight and if a physical fight is what someone wants with me and they start it then they are shure as shootin gonna get it.
And I know fighting is I guess wrong in some peoples eyes I know I don't like it but shit, don't hit a homo or anyone else for that matter plain and simple.
just the words to my heartbreak lullaby or at least some of the words, anyway ill write more today when i get the chance, I am going to go and clean so my freind ben and I can spend some time together tommorow. lord knows He could use a break
posted by Rob-b at 12:43 PM
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