As I Lay me Down To Sleep
It felt like spring time on this february morning...
I do love that song,
My life is taking all sorts of funny twists and turns as of late.
I have been getting to know someone for a year, and thats going well for me, at least I think so.
I don't find myself crawling up the walls as I used to, I even got a chance to meet him in person.
I don't feel like I have burried in the dirt anymore, he means alot to me, and I feel safe even though he is so far away. I can be giddy again for no reason and all the reason I am givin is the fact that I can see his smile in my dreams and I can call him up and he doesn't leave my mind or heart alone he gets information out of me that no one else does and I like that, someone who can rummage around in my head and find things that no one else wants to someone who wants to get to know me without possesiveness and jelousy its very nice
I think I could fall in love with him maybe..
on another note I have to admit that there are two gentlemen that I have been talking to and getting to know, but the realationship that each of us has with eachother is somewhat fuckerd up in ways that I don't know if they are really off set or not, it just feels funny no matter how I look at it, One thinks I am meant to be and the other one I get along better with in the sense that I don't fight with him as much . after tonight however it might be diffrent.
anyways moving right along....
I am sitting here coughing up blood, I have strep thoat, i was in the shower and all of a sudden I spit like an involuntary thing and a clot came up and out of my mouth, I know i shouldn't be saying this but I am taking it as a sign to stop smoking and it scared me cause shit who wants to croak at 20.....
I just wish that Things where going better on the job front, if anyone knew how much I wanted to strangle people when they tell me to grow up and to find work and all the other things that I am lectured on they would stop a few times i have come close to sluggin some people and im not the violent type, oh well nothing 100 miligrams of thorozine can't cure lol.
I have been feeling so down in the dumps lately and today was and is diffrent for some reason i am on such a euphoria/ high spot today I hope it lasts for a long time, and the funny thing is I think it will. never say never or I know and always follow your heart, I have been doing that less and less lately as far as following my heart, I have let the screams and moans of everyday life drown my heart and mind out and I have lost myself in the world. now that I can see it and I can see how fraid my ends of the preverbale rope i am holding are, I am going to TRY to mend them, everyone notices that I say I am going to do things and then never follow thru with them, so I am going to say that I am going to try and leave it at that, and put an honest effort into it, because it isn't for anyone but me to judge and my freinds who are reading this and are going to talk to me about this entry FUCK OFF!!!
you are the partial reason i have gotten lost. the lectures and the conversations and Tellin me what im thinkin and feelin. to those of you who have managed to let me see things from your point of viewi have only one thing to say I am sorry for being such a manipulator and such a crappy person who is cold hearted and empty, but you know what do unto others and I can't be mad at it, cause i was just reaping what I was sowing, but I will TRY to do better, and I don't know why, but those of you who have been turning the tables you might as well know that I am cutting my association with people down to as little as possible, I am tierd of bull shit games drama and nonsense, I can understand somethings and I can grasp life to its fullest as long as i try but for yall to sit and tell me I am to young or I don't know enuf, that is wrong, it is wrong to deny me the chance to try, it is wrong to cheat me out of things cause I wouldn't do it to you, for that I say FUCK you and FUCK IT!!
you can do anything you wish as long as you put your mind to it, that is my problem my mind is never in anything that i do, its always been my heart and for those of you who know me..im not that strong, but how can i ever build up no pun intended if you hide and shelter me.
im not even 20 and I feel like i am being treated like i am in elementry school how dare you make me feel that way. I know I pull some shit, hell i am supposed to, someone has to keep the rest of yall from being in a rut. i wonderd out in the world and you chose to stay in your room. NOT MY FAULT!!
i saw the rain dirty vally, you saw brigadoon, what and who the hell cares we all see and do things that can't be matched, because they all hold diffrent meanings to each and everyone of us in our lives.
I don't care what anyone thinks but me, how many times do I have to tell you people I DON"T CARE!!
the only ones I care about are the ones that look out for me and talk to me instead of at me, the ones that make me part of there worlds, the ones that don't hide me away for a rainy day.
and for those of you who are getting irritated at reading this all i can say is..see that lil X on the top right hand part of the screen hit it cause thats exactly what I want you to do. those of you who can sympathyze and are taking this to heart keep reading, cause i appologize for everything that i have done said caused or influensed for the worse.
sense I have stopped talking to some people life has been so much better and i am grateful for that, i can breathe again.
my wind is back in my sails and I am ready to soar, be it twords poverty or succsess be it to a single set of oving arms or me being single the rest of my life i don't know, I won't say that I don't care cause I do, but its my job to care and I do so there.
support love and respect is all i need and anyone who can't give me that in conjuntion with honesty and trust can eat shit and go to hell
peace out
I do love that song,
My life is taking all sorts of funny twists and turns as of late.
I have been getting to know someone for a year, and thats going well for me, at least I think so.
I don't find myself crawling up the walls as I used to, I even got a chance to meet him in person.
I don't feel like I have burried in the dirt anymore, he means alot to me, and I feel safe even though he is so far away. I can be giddy again for no reason and all the reason I am givin is the fact that I can see his smile in my dreams and I can call him up and he doesn't leave my mind or heart alone he gets information out of me that no one else does and I like that, someone who can rummage around in my head and find things that no one else wants to someone who wants to get to know me without possesiveness and jelousy its very nice
I think I could fall in love with him maybe..
on another note I have to admit that there are two gentlemen that I have been talking to and getting to know, but the realationship that each of us has with eachother is somewhat fuckerd up in ways that I don't know if they are really off set or not, it just feels funny no matter how I look at it, One thinks I am meant to be and the other one I get along better with in the sense that I don't fight with him as much . after tonight however it might be diffrent.
anyways moving right along....
I am sitting here coughing up blood, I have strep thoat, i was in the shower and all of a sudden I spit like an involuntary thing and a clot came up and out of my mouth, I know i shouldn't be saying this but I am taking it as a sign to stop smoking and it scared me cause shit who wants to croak at 20.....
I just wish that Things where going better on the job front, if anyone knew how much I wanted to strangle people when they tell me to grow up and to find work and all the other things that I am lectured on they would stop a few times i have come close to sluggin some people and im not the violent type, oh well nothing 100 miligrams of thorozine can't cure lol.
I have been feeling so down in the dumps lately and today was and is diffrent for some reason i am on such a euphoria/ high spot today I hope it lasts for a long time, and the funny thing is I think it will. never say never or I know and always follow your heart, I have been doing that less and less lately as far as following my heart, I have let the screams and moans of everyday life drown my heart and mind out and I have lost myself in the world. now that I can see it and I can see how fraid my ends of the preverbale rope i am holding are, I am going to TRY to mend them, everyone notices that I say I am going to do things and then never follow thru with them, so I am going to say that I am going to try and leave it at that, and put an honest effort into it, because it isn't for anyone but me to judge and my freinds who are reading this and are going to talk to me about this entry FUCK OFF!!!
you are the partial reason i have gotten lost. the lectures and the conversations and Tellin me what im thinkin and feelin. to those of you who have managed to let me see things from your point of viewi have only one thing to say I am sorry for being such a manipulator and such a crappy person who is cold hearted and empty, but you know what do unto others and I can't be mad at it, cause i was just reaping what I was sowing, but I will TRY to do better, and I don't know why, but those of you who have been turning the tables you might as well know that I am cutting my association with people down to as little as possible, I am tierd of bull shit games drama and nonsense, I can understand somethings and I can grasp life to its fullest as long as i try but for yall to sit and tell me I am to young or I don't know enuf, that is wrong, it is wrong to deny me the chance to try, it is wrong to cheat me out of things cause I wouldn't do it to you, for that I say FUCK you and FUCK IT!!
you can do anything you wish as long as you put your mind to it, that is my problem my mind is never in anything that i do, its always been my heart and for those of you who know me..im not that strong, but how can i ever build up no pun intended if you hide and shelter me.
im not even 20 and I feel like i am being treated like i am in elementry school how dare you make me feel that way. I know I pull some shit, hell i am supposed to, someone has to keep the rest of yall from being in a rut. i wonderd out in the world and you chose to stay in your room. NOT MY FAULT!!
i saw the rain dirty vally, you saw brigadoon, what and who the hell cares we all see and do things that can't be matched, because they all hold diffrent meanings to each and everyone of us in our lives.
I don't care what anyone thinks but me, how many times do I have to tell you people I DON"T CARE!!
the only ones I care about are the ones that look out for me and talk to me instead of at me, the ones that make me part of there worlds, the ones that don't hide me away for a rainy day.
and for those of you who are getting irritated at reading this all i can say is..see that lil X on the top right hand part of the screen hit it cause thats exactly what I want you to do. those of you who can sympathyze and are taking this to heart keep reading, cause i appologize for everything that i have done said caused or influensed for the worse.
sense I have stopped talking to some people life has been so much better and i am grateful for that, i can breathe again.
my wind is back in my sails and I am ready to soar, be it twords poverty or succsess be it to a single set of oving arms or me being single the rest of my life i don't know, I won't say that I don't care cause I do, but its my job to care and I do so there.
support love and respect is all i need and anyone who can't give me that in conjuntion with honesty and trust can eat shit and go to hell
peace out
posted by Rob-b at 5:54 PM
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