latest updates....
This whole post I think will be a roller coaster. lol
but I really have made such a mess of things as of late I really have no one to talk to.
Speaking of which I need to get back on my meds. lol I miss happy carefree, I don't give a fuck if you don't talk to me. pick up and go, always smiling Robbie.
In the mean time, the things that I was dealing with in prior posts, well they have been laid to rest. I am still struggleing to learn how to budget but I think I am comming to grips with that whole concept. I have gotten back to certian things that have ment alot to me. I have started learning to play the violin. I have started back up on my writting. I have also come to grips that there are certin parts of me, I just can not change. My mannerizims, my up bringing, my past, lol when I look back on some of those things I really have no choice but to smile, as I see just really how little choice I had in some of those things, my resentment twords people from that past has cooled off, I can look at most of those people in the eye and hold a conversation and think in the back of my head thankyou. I have learned that I have no reason and no excuse to change who I am. I gave up my religion, I gave up my family, I have givin up freinds, clothes/ many belongings, and whats worse, parts of myself. lol with the last stint of getting removed from my religion I vowed I would not change. granted over the last few weeks I had a test of will power, I over came that. which in my life that is no small feet to over come that urdge. For those of you who know me, you know that I can cave like no one. I am always changing. be it in mood or in life. I have also learned that, you can't just keep holding on to things. No matter how much good, or bad those things bring to your life. this could be in regaurds to a multitde of things.
I had met a guy recently, a short lived bright light in the dark. as it says in one of the many "Good books" out there, Time and unforseen occurances befall us all. he as hard as it is to admit, because I always find that silver fucking lining. I am going to have to just raise that preverbial glass, up to that wonderful big black night sky and see him as nothing more then a ship in the night. I have decided no more online dating as it only leads to "TROUBLE" and you know what, I really don't need more trouble, I have enough. So as much as I want to try, as much as I want to work, as much as I want to be there, as crummy as I may feel. I am going to have to numb that part of me and do what I always do when it is time for me to pull that whole as I call it "angel in flight" thing I will dissapear. and as anything in regaurds to angels, or demons what ever you(the reader) may belive. I will reappear when needed again.
I lol would normally be crying from writting this. However comma.....I have heard everything in the book as far as reasoning from other people. what they fail to realize I know how to read people. so the excuses that range from I am not ready for a realationship, or I would rip you to shreds, or you are perfect for me, but.... yeah I have heard them ALL BEFORE
The silver lining in this is it just makes it easier. but it is still hard to hear. I don't play games with people...not that way. I have been known all over for cat and mouse. this is true. I do that for my own protection. I am sick of being thrown under the bus. Plus with my upbringing where my mother taught me how to be gaurded, my father taught me to go with first instinct and also how to throw a good first impression. My mother and grandmother taught me the power of a back handed compliment and how to spot one from a mile away so any whore, moving right along. I went to elko this weekend it was fun. had about 200-300 dollars worth of explosives. we where lighting them off in a baseball field and some guy from the other end of the field came all the way over to tell me that we caught his blanket on fire and burned a whole in it. I am sorry but We where not the only ones in the field doing that and to be honest what grown man comes up and complains that his blankey got hurt??? HONESTLY!!!!
so needless to say we didn't light any more of those off.
I have freinds comming up next week. was planning on going camping, however I don't think that is going to work out. I can't find the right music. however I do know that judging my the music he listens to He would love mellissa etheridge, and well I happen to have a bottle of jager. I needed help drinking. but like I said I don't know if that will work out. so I will have red headed sluts by myself. cause I really don't think that I am going to be in the front of the line anytime soon. I will say I do miss that one passing ship.
oh well I am done for now. till we chat again dear readers.
SMOOOCH
but I really have made such a mess of things as of late I really have no one to talk to.
Speaking of which I need to get back on my meds. lol I miss happy carefree, I don't give a fuck if you don't talk to me. pick up and go, always smiling Robbie.
In the mean time, the things that I was dealing with in prior posts, well they have been laid to rest. I am still struggleing to learn how to budget but I think I am comming to grips with that whole concept. I have gotten back to certian things that have ment alot to me. I have started learning to play the violin. I have started back up on my writting. I have also come to grips that there are certin parts of me, I just can not change. My mannerizims, my up bringing, my past, lol when I look back on some of those things I really have no choice but to smile, as I see just really how little choice I had in some of those things, my resentment twords people from that past has cooled off, I can look at most of those people in the eye and hold a conversation and think in the back of my head thankyou. I have learned that I have no reason and no excuse to change who I am. I gave up my religion, I gave up my family, I have givin up freinds, clothes/ many belongings, and whats worse, parts of myself. lol with the last stint of getting removed from my religion I vowed I would not change. granted over the last few weeks I had a test of will power, I over came that. which in my life that is no small feet to over come that urdge. For those of you who know me, you know that I can cave like no one. I am always changing. be it in mood or in life. I have also learned that, you can't just keep holding on to things. No matter how much good, or bad those things bring to your life. this could be in regaurds to a multitde of things.
I had met a guy recently, a short lived bright light in the dark. as it says in one of the many "Good books" out there, Time and unforseen occurances befall us all. he as hard as it is to admit, because I always find that silver fucking lining. I am going to have to just raise that preverbial glass, up to that wonderful big black night sky and see him as nothing more then a ship in the night. I have decided no more online dating as it only leads to "TROUBLE" and you know what, I really don't need more trouble, I have enough. So as much as I want to try, as much as I want to work, as much as I want to be there, as crummy as I may feel. I am going to have to numb that part of me and do what I always do when it is time for me to pull that whole as I call it "angel in flight" thing I will dissapear. and as anything in regaurds to angels, or demons what ever you(the reader) may belive. I will reappear when needed again.
I lol would normally be crying from writting this. However comma.....I have heard everything in the book as far as reasoning from other people. what they fail to realize I know how to read people. so the excuses that range from I am not ready for a realationship, or I would rip you to shreds, or you are perfect for me, but.... yeah I have heard them ALL BEFORE
The silver lining in this is it just makes it easier. but it is still hard to hear. I don't play games with people...not that way. I have been known all over for cat and mouse. this is true. I do that for my own protection. I am sick of being thrown under the bus. Plus with my upbringing where my mother taught me how to be gaurded, my father taught me to go with first instinct and also how to throw a good first impression. My mother and grandmother taught me the power of a back handed compliment and how to spot one from a mile away so any whore, moving right along. I went to elko this weekend it was fun. had about 200-300 dollars worth of explosives. we where lighting them off in a baseball field and some guy from the other end of the field came all the way over to tell me that we caught his blanket on fire and burned a whole in it. I am sorry but We where not the only ones in the field doing that and to be honest what grown man comes up and complains that his blankey got hurt??? HONESTLY!!!!
so needless to say we didn't light any more of those off.
I have freinds comming up next week. was planning on going camping, however I don't think that is going to work out. I can't find the right music. however I do know that judging my the music he listens to He would love mellissa etheridge, and well I happen to have a bottle of jager. I needed help drinking. but like I said I don't know if that will work out. so I will have red headed sluts by myself. cause I really don't think that I am going to be in the front of the line anytime soon. I will say I do miss that one passing ship.
oh well I am done for now. till we chat again dear readers.
SMOOOCH
posted by Rob-b at 9:24 PM
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