Run away Run away Run away if you want to survive
OK so I have had an emotionally draining day, I tell you its not even 5 oclock and I want to go home, curl up in bed and go to sleep till morning.
I am running on two hours of sleep, I honestly wish I had a smoke and some pot, but I am quitting and LOL me granting myself any of that wouldn't benifit the goal i have of quitting very much to say the least.....
MOVING ON, I guess i am going to try and write some more poetry so i can post it on here, but not right now maybe later today if i get a second wind, ok now that i have my second wind i am back its like 7 30 compared to 5 oclock when i started this. anyway yeah I had my social security/ dissability meeting today, well a part of it, he asked alot of personall questions, made me do into detail about the rape, how i felt, what he did, how it affects me today, about grandpa's death and why that was so bad, about having a gun to my head, lol i didn't tell him any of this mind you my mom wrote like this life long history report about me that was like 9 pages that i was unaware of, I felt like i was under a microscope and yet at the same time i felt like i was on trial, And being attackd all at the same time. i mean the doc was nice about it, just i don't know, i wanted to cry, i wanted to knock the bastard out for some reason cause i had to explain myself so many times in like 50 diff ways, it was like he wanted to see my reaction, and boi did he get one, i withdrew from myself it was like couldn't help it. anyway I guess i am not Manicbipolar its somthing just as bad if not worse, its call type A hypomanic deppressive, euphoria i guess for manics lasts about 4 days, mine only lasts 3 hours at tops
meaning that my moodswings can change atleast 7 times in an hour, which i can agree with, i mean i can be rolling on the floor and the next minute ill want to hit the wall and the next i am advocating kleenex like i am the one who invented them, lol.
i don't know, he asked about alot of things, my home life, what i do during the day, what my relationship with my sperm donar is like and, i realize that i shouldn't call him that, cause he is doing better with time, its just takin all my life to get him to get this far to even ask how i am doing and only half way want to know it seems like.
But moving on, then let me see now mom and I had a hard core up in my face conversation about me being gay, I think her heart is going to break at times, and I am always the one who crys its always her, I wish she could see what I see, see what i see when i close my eyes bye for now kids
I am running on two hours of sleep, I honestly wish I had a smoke and some pot, but I am quitting and LOL me granting myself any of that wouldn't benifit the goal i have of quitting very much to say the least.....
MOVING ON, I guess i am going to try and write some more poetry so i can post it on here, but not right now maybe later today if i get a second wind, ok now that i have my second wind i am back its like 7 30 compared to 5 oclock when i started this. anyway yeah I had my social security/ dissability meeting today, well a part of it, he asked alot of personall questions, made me do into detail about the rape, how i felt, what he did, how it affects me today, about grandpa's death and why that was so bad, about having a gun to my head, lol i didn't tell him any of this mind you my mom wrote like this life long history report about me that was like 9 pages that i was unaware of, I felt like i was under a microscope and yet at the same time i felt like i was on trial, And being attackd all at the same time. i mean the doc was nice about it, just i don't know, i wanted to cry, i wanted to knock the bastard out for some reason cause i had to explain myself so many times in like 50 diff ways, it was like he wanted to see my reaction, and boi did he get one, i withdrew from myself it was like couldn't help it. anyway I guess i am not Manicbipolar its somthing just as bad if not worse, its call type A hypomanic deppressive, euphoria i guess for manics lasts about 4 days, mine only lasts 3 hours at tops
meaning that my moodswings can change atleast 7 times in an hour, which i can agree with, i mean i can be rolling on the floor and the next minute ill want to hit the wall and the next i am advocating kleenex like i am the one who invented them, lol.
i don't know, he asked about alot of things, my home life, what i do during the day, what my relationship with my sperm donar is like and, i realize that i shouldn't call him that, cause he is doing better with time, its just takin all my life to get him to get this far to even ask how i am doing and only half way want to know it seems like.
But moving on, then let me see now mom and I had a hard core up in my face conversation about me being gay, I think her heart is going to break at times, and I am always the one who crys its always her, I wish she could see what I see, see what i see when i close my eyes bye for now kids
posted by Rob-b at 3:56 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home