Run away Run away Run away if you want to survive

OK so I have had an emotionally draining day, I tell you its not even 5 oclock and I want to go home, curl up in bed and go to sleep till morning.
I am running on two hours of sleep, I honestly wish I had a smoke and some pot, but I am quitting and LOL me granting myself any of that wouldn't benifit the goal i have of quitting very much to say the least.....
MOVING ON, I guess i am going to try and write some more poetry so i can post it on here, but not right now maybe later today if i get a second wind, ok now that i have my second wind i am back its like 7 30 compared to 5 oclock when i started this. anyway yeah I had my social security/ dissability meeting today, well a part of it, he asked alot of personall questions, made me do into detail about the rape, how i felt, what he did, how it affects me today, about grandpa's death and why that was so bad, about having a gun to my head, lol i didn't tell him any of this mind you my mom wrote like this life long history report about me that was like 9 pages that i was unaware of, I felt like i was under a microscope and yet at the same time i felt like i was on trial, And being attackd all at the same time. i mean the doc was nice about it, just i don't know, i wanted to cry, i wanted to knock the bastard out for some reason cause i had to explain myself so many times in like 50 diff ways, it was like he wanted to see my reaction, and boi did he get one, i withdrew from myself it was like couldn't help it. anyway I guess i am not Manicbipolar its somthing just as bad if not worse, its call type A hypomanic deppressive, euphoria i guess for manics lasts about 4 days, mine only lasts 3 hours at tops
meaning that my moodswings can change atleast 7 times in an hour, which i can agree with, i mean i can be rolling on the floor and the next minute ill want to hit the wall and the next i am advocating kleenex like i am the one who invented them, lol.
i don't know, he asked about alot of things, my home life, what i do during the day, what my relationship with my sperm donar is like and, i realize that i shouldn't call him that, cause he is doing better with time, its just takin all my life to get him to get this far to even ask how i am doing and only half way want to know it seems like.
But moving on, then let me see now mom and I had a hard core up in my face conversation about me being gay, I think her heart is going to break at times, and I am always the one who crys its always her, I wish she could see what I see, see what i see when i close my eyes bye for now kids

Music Of the Heart

Rebirth:

Stars Fall

Flowers Die

Even I have a Time

A song is sung

and it is heard, Time Passes

And soon it is Heard again.

It Never dies, It only Rests.

How I wish I could Rest and Never die.

But those I love shall sing the song and think of me, and then they'll see,

I'm just asleep

They're not alone

I wrote the poem about a year ago, and it was origonally wrote for a group of friends that lost a really good friend, and They were at a loss.. over time I have met most of his freinds from seattle, to weiser, to boise and portland, all his freinds have met me and they all mean somthing to me. I talked to one of his freinds last night on the phone and he made me Realize that I needed to not keep it to myself but I need to share and let others know what a footprint one good person can leave behind.

also I am posting two other poems i wrote that same night I hope whoever is reading this will enjoy it.

I also have an appolgy and a resolution to make to my readers the few that I have, I Heard from someone the other day that I was A vindictive asshole of a succubus now for those of you who don't know what that last one is it is a campire/leach so I promise now that this is truly a new chapter in my life as well as this blog no more vindictive wording as the best of my abbility I write what I feel and sometimes I don't think, But I have come accross someone that is begining to mean more to me more every time we talk and it is kind of odd cause i don't know this person in person if that makes sense its like YOUVE GOT MAIL IS HAPPENIN IN MY LIFE lol any way brady this ones for you and the marks youve made onthe ones left behind and to my new persona.

Change:

By Robert Michael Shaw:

Always moving never still

Moments taken are not in vain.

because we see just what the change

Friendly once and bitter twice

Cold as the Winters winds that blow

I often remember your summery glow

I reflect and see a drastic change

A picture takin

time is still

I travel back, so i can still hold you

At once I had what everyone else had

then just as stardust fades away

you dissapeard

I travel back to look and see a massive change in me

the will to love, the power to breathe

my heart can now beat

with ease

youve turnd back time

and whats best of all i see a change.

Althoughvery abstract sounding this poem has been written because i belive everyone has the power to change there circumstanses..no matter what

I think everyone should see that and just like everything else does we need to change with it

Learn to Live

Life so short

time does Fly

I wonder why I couldn't make you mine

I wish i had you in my arms

the power to say when you could stay

and that you could never go

So I must learn to trust

You say I love you

and I might belive

But i have been burnd

I hate to drink

But your eyes are full of moonshine

So intoxocating that I can say

I'll try to love

Time does pass

and then it turns to run away

I thought I had you

But I can't argue with what i don't understand

maybe it was ment to be

Maybe I've gone as far as you can take me..NO

Come back if only to smile and leave again

Lessons learned and lessons taught

I can move on.

And I won't forget what all i have learnd

For youhave giving me the greatest lesson of all

The Power to look within

The power to walk again, If only to fall

The power to feel

The power to live.

This is for me

THIS ONE IS WRITTEN FOR MY SORRY ASS LOL
in fact the last three are dedicated to me in some small way I belive in change

and I am changing for the better. I love you all and who knows what will happen for me/us in the near future maybe something wil happen that we can learn from

Chaio Bello