I HAVE A CO-WRITTER

Fred is now my co-writter so lets see what we can do....
We are sitting here mulling over idea's settings and other things so the audieance can be there with us as we tell this story, We started off on one of our storie about old chicaco, But I told fred that we needed interaction with the waiters or some part of the staff so we went from that to talking about content and how we would tell the story cause I mean I cant say that we where out in PUBLIC Stoned off our rockers and that is where we people watch and tear them apart peice by peoce, I mean come on people we don't want to be kicked out of a club before we get into a skit now do we?

BEN FRANKLIN SEEN AT THE CORREL:

Now one aspect of this story is comming from me, so let me paint my picture,
Fred the guy I was dating at the time, and Fred: All of us went to the Golden Correl
Now I had Just set down at the tabel, I had a salad and I wasn't payin attention like normal i was diggin in to my nice green plate of Rabbit food at the time.
And Fred, Like Normal is contantly scanning the room for a chance to say something about someone that might spark some instant of laughter and reaction of of a group of people it is entertaining to say the least.
But fred says O my GOD Ben Franklin is in here. I turn around to look and what do I see?
A androgyenous person that looks like ben franklin but has some traits of a woman and it had to be in its late 60's and It looked like it had wooden teeth that where cracked in the middle and speaking of things in the middle its hair was parted in the middle as well and had round black glasses on its face!!
I laughed my ass off and agreed, but the bad thing was that the tabel right next to us was a young family starting out in there 20's with two very young kids and they craked up too it was hillarious.
now...
for freds version.....
I just sat down from retriving my plate from the dinner line, what I saw This little lady who had white hair parted down the middle, with obviously false teeth round black glasses, And she reminded me of ben franklinIn Fact before thinking that is exactly what I blurted out loud my freind laughed the tabel next to us laughed..thats what happend.
so for the next topic
A Queens Beauty Tips 101:
Learning Can be stimulating to more then the brain:
This skit is about testing your gaydar:
For Instance, Body type and language, Picutre this a Punk or Skater Boy, well.. when it comes to these boys and being in a general classification there is no such thing because no matter how you look at it they all dress neat and tidy in my perspective a skater is one that will go to bed and simply pass out on the bed and wake up and go in the same clothes that he wore the day before his hair is desheveld and he reaks of pot, Smoke and alcohol. a gay man would insist on going to bed after a shower no matter how tierd he was, he would also insist on going to bed either in the nude or in boxers, I don't know of many gay men that wear whities. they would also make shure that the clothes were in either the dirty clothes hamper for morning laundry sense no gay man likes dirty clothes and he always likes his wardrobe to be at maximum for optimum combonations, either that or we would go ahead and wash them and throw them in the dryer the next moring so they would be done by the time he got done with his moring shower which lasts about as it takes for the dryer to dry the clothes.
But enuf about that i am going to bed ill talk to yall later

Dark Angel 

The Demon Laughs, and scorns the past

OK
so.... lets get this road on the show by starting by saying this, I didn't break up with Phillip, the reason I am saying this is because someone brought it to my attention that it sounds like i could or would do such a thing. we never have been together in a serious sense, what I mean by that is there was no title of boifreind. second of all I havn't seriously dated anyone in about a year.
So...yeah I am interested in phillip, more interested then i have been in anyone in a very long time.
Now that I have that clear.
I would like to talk about some of the people I have seen, dated and gotten to know over the years. reason being, its funny and It would make a good skit.
ok, the first Person I would like to talk about is a freind of mine by the name of lonny, lonny and and another friend of mine whome I will introduce to yall later share a history, about 10 years worth if i remember correctly. Lonny is the ipitomy of BITCH. even I can't come close!
but let me tell you about lonny a lil bit more, I was living with him as his roomate for a while and Let me tell you I saw alot of shit, for instance I was chillin with one of my lezbian freinds and she made the comment that she was the queen bitch, Now in my small group of freinds she is nothing I didn't like her rom the get go so I Really didn't defend her, i think it had somethig to do with the fact that she was a backstabber but that besides the point, well lonny heard that and aked her if her purse was as small as the company made them. she said yes, his reply was GOOD CAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THING YOULL EVER BE ABLE TO GET IN A SMALL!!
See I have made my point when it comes to the karen syndrome lol it exists!!
another freind of mine his name is Fred, fred and Lonny were really good freinds untill lonny moved, but Fred also suffers from this syndrome, fred and Lonny where walking down the street one time after being at a bar orsome simmilair establishment and they passed a couple of guys and they said hey how you doing..wewll fred and lonny passed by fred said in an untertone"id be better if I had a cock in my mouth" Lonny preseeded to bellow it back to them.
but what I can say about fred and I guess one of the Reasons I care so much for him is the fact that he is a hispanic 57 year old man who was raised as a white boi so he will make fun of everyone icluding race, then turn around and make fun of himself he is truly non discriminitory
Fred also is the one who likes migets, lol not that i think he would ever be with one but he just likes to laugh, and I will admit it is at times at others expense but i mean alot of people do it, be it behind closed doors or in public.
now when all three of us where together we had such repor, no its just fred and I when it comes to the comedy of the group and some of the things that are said or hard to express cause you can't really write down humor just for the simple fact that laughter is an action you can't show actions and feeligs on screen to well without people misunderstanding I of allpeople should realize this.
Now I was thinking today about some situations that would be funny, and I have come up with a few, now alot of us have people that we know or heard of, that are depressed, I find humor in these people, because they always manage to turn something happy into something DRAB, this takes talent. OH its such a nice day out...It will probably rain and get me sick BLAH BLAH BALH, something to that effect. I mean if i wehre sitting as a by standard next to someone like that I WOULD FUCKIN LAUGH just because it would be funny, i think a skit about someone like this would be funny.
another instance that I think would be funny is some one who is an alcoholic, drunk whereever they may be.
THAT WOULD BE FUNNY, I can see them at a highschool graduation and yelling and screaming at the students asking questions that are absurd and honest just cause he has no scruple s at the time.
I also think that a gay chaicter would be fun, cause i mean lets face it i wouldn't need to really write the scipt i could just take the culture that i live in and twist it to be dramtic in a funny way not a bitchy way. you know hands flaying about and the lysp that so many of us have gotten over time. would be funny
anyway i am done with this skit.
ON this finnal note, I will say that I love all my freinds that I have met over the years and I miss the ones that I have parted ways with..Most of them that is, but I would never take back what I have learnd Gone thru and done to be at this point in my life I am so Happy that It makes me wonder why I didn't end up here sooner, but then again people neeed to learn diffrent things to get diffrent places and I guess that I have learnd enuf to have happiness at least for just a moment and I am grateful

Even Hevan has its dark days!! 

Dreams Die, When You Have Proof that They actually can Die!! 

And everyones Favorite lol 

Green with Envy 

Vanity Fair 

I gotta Voice that Carries

ok so wrath is one of the seven deadly sins that a person can commit, if that be the case then I have commited this sin, over and over and over thru out my day.
I went to portland, as you all know well I told a freind of mine to deposit the check,
now keep in mind that all you need these days in order to deposit money in to a persons account is a name, you don't even need the acc. number. Well he said that he needed my routing numbers and all that shit in order to even deposit the money, I went down this morning all prepaird to chew someones ass out and not litteraly mind you but come to find out that he oly went to the bank after I gave him the routing number, and by then i was already in the hole so to speak, this all could have been prevented if someone would have taken the time out of his day of smoking pot and doing light maintenence at the stupid retirement communitee that he works at, and would have listend to me and then it would have been just fine and dandy but as it is im 5'8 only 19 what do I know...I guess we have come to find out that I do know how to do my banking just that there are some people out there if you want to call them people, I would much prefer to call them Idiots, but then again depending on who you are it might seem like a derogotory name to use, so anyways, the wrath comes into play once I get the bank issue settled, I am going to make the fucker loose his job and thats that, you can't have a manager of a retirement coimmunitee smoking dope, espechially when he is bonded, who knows what he might do under the influence and with a master key to the entire buliding including the privetly ownd condos in the building?, someone needs to feel obligated enuf to report such behavior, and I think I do!!
anyway yeah I am vengful, But what can I say, someone has fucked with my freedoms, they have fucked with my life and most of all they jepordisd a good trip, with one of the best people I know, who I happen to care alot about and thats just not cool with me, anyway let me fill you in on what else is going on, so far I have managed to have a stomach ach the entire day I think it is from stress, and I have managed to go another day without smoking, yesterday I had ONE so I am doing well with that.
I am going to try and write another skit so here i go.....

Ok I have this Problem with the gay men of today, what I mean is this
I am the type of person that will show affection to a person freely no questions asked, yeah I get more affectionate as time goes on, but there are people out there that really don't like affection, and yet I hear so much that all they want is someone that will show them affection and thatwill except them freely, HELLO WHAT AM I DOING HERE!!! its like you don't appreciate the kind of affection that I am giving you which is wholesome and it really has meaning but what you want and what I am giving isn't meshing, what are you lookingt for can you tell me...TIME SAVER HELLO!!
Another thing I don't understand is why if you meet someone, why do they sometimes tell you that you have to be approved by there freinds?? what in gods green earth do they have to do with me dating the guy? I refuse to be intimidated by anyone blood related or not.I mean Yeah you date or marry someone you automaticly have new family but thats a diffrent scenario, but back to my point Its just as if they are telling you I will not date you unless my freinds want to date you, HELLO!! wake up and smell the roses, you don't want your freinds thinking I am dateable material, they will be finding every excuse to make your life a living hell in order to get to me, and eventually breaking us/ you two apart, now what kind of dipshit can't understand that lol talk about unessesary drama. but ON THE OTHER HAND, They might thenk that you are a quality person and they might encourage you to to date there friend, that is why when you meet these people you keep your trap shut untill you have made a proper annalysis of the situation then open up how you want to. but never be affraid, lol fear is something anyone can smell and its like BO, another reason to carry cologne with you. lol
another thing is this, Portland people are not timmid people I was walking along one of the streets and mind you this is my first night up there and I got stopped by this one guy who asked for a ciggerete, ok so i can handle that what i can't handle is the fact that he said that he had a pretty cock and he would love to see how pretty my ass looks with it in it, ok EWWW, no sorry number one Im up here to see a guy I have been falling for for about a year, second of all you need a shower, and third clamidia is not a flower.
anyway i am out this skit isn't done but its a good start

I am A Mirror, Reflection Is My pourpose

Well, My evening has been Interesting to say the least, I have managed to come up with enuf change from my suit case and back pack to do a load of laundry and to get an ice tea, in between that I managed to fold the laundry pick up phillips bedroom, at least my things, he is a tidy guy so not much to pick up, and I also managed to pick up the kitchen again not much to pick up and I also went in the bathroom and kinda picked up in there.....Not much of a mess anyplace, lol the one time I feel Like cleaning, I think I feel like cleaning cause Its a way for me NOT to be left alone with myself, So turn up the music and Drown my thoughts. I have managed to dig myself a nice lil hole of debt, as far as my credit and my credit union are concernd, I guess when my boss went to deposit my check I failed to give him the routing numbers that he needed, instead I gave him my account number, which is what I was told to give in the beggining, what is sad is that I don't think I can do anything but pay the $$1062$$ That I owe, and From now on just make shure that I am more careful about trip planning, when it comes to timming and payroll.
as far as my trip ios concernd, I have made up my mind that I am going to tell phillip exactly how I feel, what makes this time diffrent is I don't worry about him, what I mean by that is , I don't worry what he is doing, or anything like that that, I may worry about him if he is late being someplace or some thing like that, a normal cause for worry, but I don't get freaked out if I don't have him in my sight and I enjoy my time on my own, but I also value the time i have with him.
I have also run into a few lost freinds from the past that I had, back when i was like 16, lol we all where in the same group, and we where all friends with my first bf/ actuall man that I have loved, out of like 2 or three totall. anyway they are all doing well. .......
OK so Now it is Sunday night, I am leaving Tommorow and well, I guess it is time to sum up my trip, so here it goes.
I found someone I could love, I found A spark, I also managed to find some new freinds, and I managed to loose a few that I really didn't need in my life, Jordan Pink being the one I lost.....Yeah I know what your thinking, I have spoken so highly of her in the past....well, I have done drugs, I admit it openly, but it is one thing to do them, it is another thing to go around keeping it a secrect from people in such a conspicuious manor that everyone knows what you are up to that you not only look stupid but its practicly entertaining to watch you go around trying to get ur shit of choice!! besides that Hypocracy isn't something I want in my life, Next time I hear someone that uses drugs, lecture me about using drugs..not that I use them ANYMORE, but just lecture me like that in general I am going to turn to them and tell them to get away from me because they are draining all the o2 that I am planning on using for a good cause, where as they are waisting it. lol
I also Talked to the Show coordonater at the escape club in portland, I told him to start booking me shows a couple months in advance, things sound promising and if i get to be good enuf who knows what I can accomplish!!
I must say that the weather here is rather humid, mopre so then I would like, as it is I don't handle heat well, it makes me cranky, irritable, and most of all clingy when it comes to wanting to be held, it never fails, just ask phillip, lopl we would go to bed and hahaha i had him clear over on the edge of the bed a few times cause I wanted to cuddle and he didn't or something like that, I was asleep for that so I don't know the exact details, but All in all this entire trip has been on of a life time and I wouldn't trade it for anythingPhillip and I also VERBALIZED, what was going on with him and I I think It was two days ago now, I had to have it spelt out for me cause you readers know how I can get, Ill smother someone if I don't know what is going on. and as far as Him and I are concernd...It wqould work out, if i was closer, and who knows in 2-6 months I may be living up here, not just for the fun of it but because I love this place way to much to keep on thinking of moving and not doing anything about it, and I am tierd of making friends and always having to say goodbye, lol I sometimes wish we all lived in the same area because it would be so much simpler but at the same time thats what makes trips so much fun lol...well my dears it is time for me to go and pack to go back home I ilove you all
Chaio Bello~Rob-b

Something to be

Anyway I am back,
Spent the day with Phillip,
we went to the mall, grabbed something to eat, I got a new CD and a new movie, we went back to his appartment, he stayed for a few minutes and went out with his freinds, I must say that the silence as deafining as it is, is welcome. I do enjoy his company but I am having emotions and feelings, thoughts that I have not had ever had. healthy jelousy, healthy freindship, and maybe even more then that. I must admit I am jelous of the other 2-4 people including myself who are inline for phillips emotions but you know what, I am here in the present they are not, that and I have never delt with compitition well, maybe this can be an oppertunity to showmyself that I can do it, while I am sitting here writting to you my dear readers a few of these bois are messageing him on his messangers, and I am closing them out, one of them kinda hurt but, I have to live in reality, he is single, as am I, what I saw was a message that he wrote, in reply to a person that shall remain nameless even though i have an idea of who it is, because here in portland it is just like it is in boise, I know of people,\ plain and simple, but this person said :I WANT YOU!" in response was : HEHEHEHEHE, And I you" Or something to that effect, now normally I would throw in the towl, but I have a chance to grow as a person that and im not commited so, I have no reason to get mad or hurt. I just feel maybe more then i guess i should. I am sitting here listening to Rob THomas, I Don't Want To Be Lonely Anymore. And it is so fitting for my current mood, God I wish there was something to be done, but as it is nothing can be done, but wait and do my best, and just show him that Im here in the now, and Im just the icing on the cake of life, and here i always thought that being a boifreind consisted of being the cake and the icing, but a dear freind reminded me that its not that way, that you need to just be, the garnish that makes it all come together, and if I do my best and it don't work then not to beat myself up over it
cause i have done my best and can't get better then that lol.
anyway I am out for now, i want to go watch my movie

A Turn Of Events

I Have Come To A Turning Point in my life as not only a person, but also as an individual.
I really don't know what is going on, but in the same sense I do, I was origonally going to portland on just another mindless whim, but on the plane Ride here something Happend, Like I said I don't know what happend, but whatever it is I am enjoying it.
Im not accustomed to certain things, I am not accustomed to looking at the sky just as a random example and actually feeling at peace, when the wind starts to stir and whispers in my ear, and tells me things that I need to hear.
I thought I had Life Figured out, and..For Some Reason I am finding out that I don't.
I Am up here visiting a friend of mine. his name is Phillip, and I know that I have never mentiond him before on screen, But now I am.
Anyway This is my third day here, And I am having the time of my life, I have never Been on a trip where I can actually somewhat support myself, yeah there are a few things that I can't do lol but thats cause I chose a poor time in the pay period to come up, but I guess thats just me, I have planned comming up here for months and I don't ever change my mind, so hear I am Sitting in an apartment that ive only been in three days and With each passing moment I know that when I look back on this trip It will have much more then meaning to me, it will have feeling as well.
I am going to erase some of my entries that are in these online pages, Because they don't mean anything. I have come to respect that, and realize that It was/ They Where stepping stones in my life, And I needed to grow, and growth is what has happend, I don't find myself drowning in this swimming pool called life, I don't see myself grabbing onto everything or anyone because i am to scared to swim on my own. I am swimming just fine, I even managed to find a few freinds on the way. and they are very close to my heart, and the sad thing is that they have always been there, I've just never seen them because of the constant and unessesary struggle that I have been putting myself thru. take for instance Fred, I met fred Two years ago, He gave me a place to go when I had no other Place to go, He gave me embrace when there was no warmth, even in the heat of the summer sun.
mike and steve, gave me the second chance at life that I needed... Freindship, compassion, and strentgh.
ben..has givin me advice, a light in the dark and knowlage.
And sense I am here and have it on my mind, I will give this credit where it should be placed, beacuse it is due, Phillip has taught me paitence, not only that but that it has its rewards, but also that it can be bitter sweet.
all these people that I mentiond, espechially the first three just for the simple fact is that I see them every day, all have givin me the same things, in one way or another, even heartache.. but on that note its time to go hop in the shower and go have dinner so i will get back and finish this blog because I feel compelled to do so anyway ill talk to you later