A NEW DAY....BRINGS FORTH A NEW YEAR

OK SO....I had an amazing day today and the day however fabulos, isn't even over YET!!! and i am so happy that it isn't over yet. I came home from my parents house, went to my house with muh roomate, he got me a christmas present, let me tell you I asked for a pair of blue hand cuffs like 4 months ago...i think, but anyways i got them and a shirt. THAT WAS SO NICE!!!
And i woke up this morning and LET ME TELL YOU he had beakfast all ready for me it was so nice, went to boise, and went to bsu...went on my favorite vice, besides www.launch.com
anyways, I didn't mention yesterday that I talked to a guy whome I had talked to for like two seconds, he told me he had to go, well normally when that happens we never talk again.
well I was on today and HE MESAGES ME, OMG, anyway i was sick of being at bsu, and he was tierd of being wherever he was, I think he was at home. so I told him to meet me at the Flying M.
I have never met a NICER person, that is this close to my age, and makes me laugh, I am so glad to have a friend like him. I hope we remain friends for a very long time.
I hope he thinks the same of me.
well, there is more in between these lines that I write to you, well to myself, sense no one really reads the bullshit i write down anyway. Really what I write down is so i can Remember, because I find that my memory, with age is getting worse and worse, it takes an impression a GOOD one for me to remember, and if there is a bad one or a really good one I like to write about it, so i don't forget. I don't know, ,I felt something today that I have not felt for a long time if at all.
those who might and i mean MIGHT be reading this, you know what I mean when I say I don't know peace to well if at all. I felt at peace, It was a Great peace. I met him at the M, we talked there for a while, got in the truck, and drove to a parking garage, got out and walked aimlessly around for 30 min, turned around and walked back, did this three or four times cause it was hour free parking at the garages today. NO KISSING at all nothing like that. Finally, when it came close to call it in for the day, we where sitting at the Pipper pub, we where talking and, I looked at him for just a moment, and he leand over and Kissed me, it was like a million butterflies landed on my lips. just one kiss, one moment, but it felt like a thousand years for me.
I felt his heart, it was good. he is pure, I found something Pure. It took my breath away it did I will never forget it. NEVER.
and he took me back to Bsu and I kissed him goodbye, and that word has never hurt, never as much as it has today I kissed him good bye and I just didn't want to let go. I know in my heart that I will see him again but untill then I will read this entry over and over to remember him and what he did to me and how he made me feel.
I love you all here is some reading on me for those of you reading this, its not all true but its a generalized idea. take care
then OH OH OH before that we where walking down the street, ,and he locked arms with me, It felt like, for some odd reason like I didn't care and I normally DO I DO. but with him he took that all away. I didn't care
Name: Robbie July 4 1986 6:52 PM Time Zone is MDT Boise, ID
Rising Sign is in 08 Degrees Sagittarius You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.
Sun is in 12 Degrees Cancer. Very emotional and sensitive, you have an intuitive understanding of the "vibes" around you. You tend to be quite generous, giving, loving and caring, but only when your own needs for emotional support, love and security have been met. If they are not met, you tend to withdraw into yourself and become very insecure and selfish. Your home and family (especially your mother or the person who played that role for you early on) represent security for you and thus assume a larger-than-life importance. Very sentimental, you have vivid and long- enduring memories of the past. No matter how well adjusted you are, you will always need a secret quiet place of your own in order to feel at peace. Feeding others can give you great pleasure you would enjoy being part of a large family.
Moon is in 18 Degrees Gemini. Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span. Your emotions change rapidly and you love to talk about your feelings. Generally, you have good judgment -- your intellect controls your emotions and you do not overreact emotionally to things. A good jack-of-all-trades, you have many- sided interests and enjoy reasoning things through. With your mental agility and need for physical mobility, you are attracted to traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. You have vivid powers of emotional self-expression - - you can be a nonstop talker. You love to share your ideas with anyone who will listen.
Mercury is in 05 Degrees Leo. You are usually quite convinced that your own ideas are correct and you enjoy persuading others that they are. At times, you are very stubborn and proud of your beliefs and principles, and you get very defensive when they are challenged. You appreciate truth and honesty -- you practice it yourself and expect it in others. You have good talent for organizing, directing and planning. You delight in being asked for your advice and counsel.
Venus is in 22 Degrees Leo. You have a striking, regal appearance and demeanor that attracts others to you. Your friendship is highly sought and you tend to take friendships quite seriously -- you remain loyal and true to those to whom you are attached. For you, love is mixed with pride and respect. Relationships are over when you lose respect for your partner. Be careful of a tendency to relate only to those who make you look good -- the powerful, important and influential. This can lead to arrogance and selfishness, and neither of these qualities becomes you.
Mars is in 19 Degrees Capricorn. Extremely ambitious, you are willing to work very hard to reach the goals you have set for yourself. Very practical, cautious and conservative, you demand tangible results for your efforts. You need to excel in whatever you do, and you have the required sense of responsibility, dedication and self-discipline to bring it about. Beware of your tendency to judge others only by their degree of status and prestige, or by how well they will be able to advance you in your climb to the top.
Jupiter is in 22 Degrees Pisces. You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have -- try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You're a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries.
Saturn is in 03 Degrees Sagittarius. Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing.
Uranus is in 19 Degrees Sagittarius. You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.
Neptune is in 04 Degrees Capricorn. You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.
Pluto is in 04 Degrees Scorpio. For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.
N. Node is in 27 Degrees Aries. You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it!

death becomes me

Well,
here is the realization I have come up with.
I am single, I have the LIBERTY to sleep, fuck, KISS, do anything I want to until otherwise taken off the market. Do I care what People think of me..OF course I do, but wether or not your oppinion is going to be felt within my heart or bother my concieince any..that is another thing.
I found my good friend Christopher. He wasn't lost, not of his own doing, I think it was more mine. I went home for three weeks back to mtn.home and I have realized that being selfish, unkind, catty, and really uncaring. and I have For my new years resolution, decided to make that person or part of me die.......I can't keep not caring being bitter at the world is no excuse to put my life on hold for a massive vendeta that I wish to only carry out on a few people.
Anyway, what else have I been doing...umm went home, went to idaho falls with my parents..that was so much fun, the ride back was a lil sad, but that is for reasons that at the moment are going to be kept out of this journal, until I can give the true story.
but what else.....went to portland not to long ago, mad an ass out of myself, but i have discoverd another gift that i have which is the reason I gave that little lecture at the beggining of this entry.
well one of my friends in portland, ( WHOEVER IS READING THIS AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE- It is SPILLING tea, but no one knows who the manufacture of the tea is so get mad if you want. but you know i am right)
but anyway, he was going to work early in the morning, well I know a few people up there and all of them where otherwise preoccupied, so this boi and I went out to a friends car, had a drink or two, and we where asked if we where an item, I told him to answer that. he didn't say I guess what he felt. well in the car was this other boi who had a crush on me has had one sense the first time i set foot into the club. so there are three people in the car all together... well i get into the car the boi that didn't express his feelings had to work early, the boi with the crush and his roomate are going into the club. i take the boi with the crush aside and ask him if he liked me he said yes, I told him that he should do something about it if he did, ya know dance with me kiss me something flirt even, and he said that the other boi would get mad cause i was his............ well I kissed him, really I shouldn't have but you should have seen his lips and his face, he was like an angel. It was truly a beautiful disater. So I spent two days with him, went to the club two nights in a row, I tried talking to the boi whom i had hurt, and I am hoping that by me writting this he see's that I am sorry. No matter what he says i didn't mean to hurt him or anything. I did sleep with him I like him, I wanted to do the right thing but instead i did the wrong thing and i huurt people, I can't do it anymore, Demon has to Die, and is going to.
ON a better note my dear friend Rose bud/ jordan, has landed himself a man. my best wishes extended and if i have mentiond this in a previous blog i am sorry, just that well...you know that song called MY BOO, by: USHER
well I dedicate that song to him.
I am such a crazy mixed up person and i think he is one of the few people that honestly understand me, even if at times we are not together. I still feel him thinking of me and visa versa.
I just want my normal life back, who knew that when sandra bullock when she played sally owens in practical magick I JUST WANT TO LEAD A NORMAL LIFE WITHOUT MAGICK
who knew that I COULD RELATE. I don't know what it is. I love people i am drawn to them, but i huhrt so many i think, but at the same time i have been gone for three weeks all the poeple whome i am close to, called and left messages saying that they miss me. I don't get it maybe someday i will
well dears, ill talk to you later
CHAIO BELLO

Behind These Hazel Eyes

You made me Feel Complete for once in my life.
cause I can't breath, no I can't sleep, without you.
you won't see the tears I cry, bbehind these Hazel eyes.

Any Way readers we are here with Robbie, AGAIN
we would like to ask him some more questions, he is such a busy boi, now adays.
so tell us what is going on in your life right now
RS: Well lets see I am going to PDX as of tommorow at let me see 3:30, I mean as far as I know, that trip is still on scedual.
??: So Tell us Robbie what have you been doing with yourself sense we last talked to you?
RS:Well, I spent the Night with my ex the other night, my lord I forgot how tall he was, 6'11. Nothing happend, we are trying to be friends, seems like him and I get along, but everyone else pushes for more, so we spent the night talking about how I was in a realationship, and how It would be best if we remaind friends, and just have a blast as just that.
I tell you, its amazing how height gets you what you want, I am so short, that people think I am still in School, and he is so tall that people, when he ask's for something he gets it, I think out of fear, when in reality, they have nothing to fear, he is so gentle and kind, he couldn't hurt a fly.
??: So Not meaning to get to personal, How has you condition affected your realationships?
RS: OH NOT PERSONAL YOU SAY, Well Before the Meds...... I was HELL ON EARTH, Picture it Poison Ivy Meets ummm Alishia Sylverstone From when she did Crush. MAD BOI on wheels. Its Amazing that people even where nice to me.
??:So Tell us what is going on with you and your man.... if you have one.
RS: WELL what makes you think I don't have one.
anyway he and I are good. just alot of talking on the phone in fact he called me last night and the bat went dead and I couldn't get to my charger quick enuf so..it was OH SO SAD!
??: So Robbie you had some dissapointment today tell us what was it.
RS: yeah my friend jordan, got himself a boi, but ya know. nothing i can do about that.
anyway i gotta spilt for now so chaio

SENSE YOUVE BEEN GONE!!!

I CAN BREATH FOR THE FIRST TIME, THAT IS SUCH A GREAT SONG OMG.
Anyways how are you my darlings?
We are Sitting here with Robbie, star of his own melodramawtic action packd life.
We are going to ask you a few questions, that way the few readers that you have can get an idea of what you are like these days, ok?
RS:ok
??: so how old are you Robbie?
RS:18
??: how is it living in po dunk boise Idaho?
RS: ( Rolls Eyes, and Laughs) Interesting.
??: Robbie tell me something, what do the people in boise look like and how do they act compard to the other places you have been to?
RS: Well I'll answer your question with another question, have you ever seen jarrasic park, think of that movie without the people that lived.
or to put it another way, I was walking down the street in mtn.home where I grew up, and I saw this woman walking down the street, and I don't think she was walking, she was rolling more then anything, now the funny thing is that she had a box of dougnuts in her arms, and she was ugly, i felt like asking her why, when falling out of the ugly tree, she decided to go for the roots?
I am not a vain person by any means but when you roll down the street with a box of dougnuts willingly and your not making an effort to take care of yourself yeah i am going to say something.
??: Robbie what is one place you would like to be for Christmas despite the fact that you don't celebrate the holidayz?
RS: Well I have two Places..Well three that I would love to be. its so hard to pick, But first place I would like to be is Idaho Falls, Reason for that is the fact that I have a few friends hidding up there, that i havn't seen in a while, that and there is a boi up there that I havn't met and he seems pretty..cool(BLUSHES) 2nd place i would like to be is Portland, Reason for that as many of my readers know is that I love it up there with an insatioable passion, I love the people up there and the environment, just everything about it. 3rd place I would love to be is in a place of my own with a fire place wrapped up in a blanket, and a good book.
??:So you where supposed to go to Portland recently why did you cancell your monthly tour?
RS: well the gentlemen that I was going with, who was quite a bit older, who doesn't act it, and is a teacher of the third grade, because of him BTW I have made a new theroy, if you are a teacher you act like your students do, whatever grade level they might be, but moving on i have talked with him for about two years and, we just started hanging out like on a regular basis, and when it came down to crunch time and going to pdx, 2 days before going..lol we got into a huge fight, more of a mind and manipulating argument then anything, but he wanted sex out of it, and lol I mean I don't like the guy like that, he is to old, that and he is possesive and manipulating. AHHHHHH(laughs) so I told him that i wouldn't have sex with him, and that was it we didn't go, we are going to try and go this comming week, but knowing my luck, Ill talk on my phone to much or some bull shit like that so I can't go.
??: Robbie as you know george Bush won the election how do you feel about it?
RS: Well as much as I hate pollitics and avoid them with a smile, I must say I was dissapointed in our country as a whole. No one had the guts to speak out. thus the reason why I am now seeing the Lovely Cameron Diaz on my TV screen telling me that I need to go out and vote. there arn't enuf people out there doing what the founding fathers set up for us, Freedom of Speech and expression. now I can get upset at the people that didn't vote, Im not mad at the people that stood up for there views and ideals, that takes courage. me myself I voted for kerry, but it doesn't matter. People are out there sitting around the house Mute. lol that is sad. because they are throwing away a great gift.
??:what type of music have you been listening to latly, and why?
RS: Quit Grillin me Kid, LOL well Any music I listen to has a pourpose, there is a message in every peice of music out there and it is diffrent for each person it is a form of art, and it a beautiful thing I enjoy. But back to the question, I think that I have found myself listening to lets see, the Coors, Jewel, Vannessa Carlton, Kelly Clakson, Hillary Duff, Simple plan, good charlote, I love Jessy McCartney, I am looking forward to see where his carrear takes him. I also like Alisia Keys.
I don't know it all Depends on my mood, I know that when I am upset or deppressed, I listen to things Like avrile Lavigne, Evenesence,..You know cold dark deppressing music that is more of a calling to someone to come and save you. Savage garden is a must have in any mood, lol
??: Are there any plans for you in the future for your carrer?
RS: I am asked this alot, and All I can say is ROME WASN"T BUILT IN A DAY, All I can do is try as every day goes by to call, and say IT's ROBBIE what have you got for me?
Auditions?
Shoots?
ANYTHING?
I mean it takes time and effort and I am consintly putting more and more effort into it.
??: what time do you need to go ?
RS: NOW CHAIO BELLO!!